登香山

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登香山
登香山秋天的香山是一年中最美的，满山的枫叶有红的、黄的和绿色的，红色的枫叶有深红的、淡红的、彤红的和透红的，香山红叶现在成了香山的淘宝优惠卷代名词，也是中处游客向往的地方。这里有燕京八景之一的“西山晴雪”，还有古代的“勤政殿”，“眼镜湖”等等名胜古迹，这里面我最喜欢喜欢西山全面围攻晴雪。今天我们选了十八盘这条路，这条路直通平台再从平台走南路就到山顶了，登香山有很多条路，可我只知道三条有南路、东路和中路，东路和中路的台阶很高2021录取通知查询山东，非常难走，南路比较平缓，也是观红叶的最佳路线。下山时天已经快黑透了，这时香山就像一个神秘的大森林。今天我玩的真开心啊！评语：整个文章给人带正字的名字男孩一种赏心悦目的感觉，让读者对香山的红叶景色，夜幕下的香山有了一个新的认识，观察仔细，字里行间显露真情，语句通顺。“登香山”为题，可以再“登”字上下功夫，文章就更好了！２００３年１１月７日星期五大雪雪昨天晚上，我们冒着雨夹雪回到了宿舍，早上起来，往窗外一看，哇，好大的雪啊！从我们宿舍的窗户往外看去，能看到老师宿舍的屋顶，屋顶上全是雪美丽极了，外面也变成了一个银色的世界，树上、草坪里、地上到处都是银妆素裹，整个校园像童话般的世界。有的树被压弯了腰，有的树枝被压折了，还有的树被压倒了……门口停着的车像毛绒玩具。体育课上老师让我们打雪仗、滚雪球，一到大操场我就瞄准了目标——郭老师，大家不约而同的把雪球扔向郭老师，我们追着打，郭老师就跑，跑着跑着我大叫一声：“啊！”我脚下一滑掉进了一个洞里，雪足有半个小腿那么深，我索性挖起了地道……四十分钟真快呀，我还没玩够呢，不过今天还是很高兴。今年的第一场雪真是又早又大。评语：观察认真，描写细致，在你笔下地展现了雪景的美丽，耐人寻味，感受到了雪大。文章结尾点明雪早似乎在文中没有体现，可否再修改一下。１１月１５日星期六大风雪后香山雪后的香山虽然没有了红叶，但是很美，因为从远远望去，山上白茫茫的，好像童话世界中的景色。沿着山路往上走，满地的落叶，还有被雪压断的树枝……这时的香山人非常少，到处都静悄悄的，凛冽的寒风吹得树枝左摇右摆，一阵狂风过后叶子被纷纷吹落下来，太阳照不到的地方还留着积雪。顶着寒风我们终于登上了山顶，山顶的风更大了。四周山上的羊肠小路上是亮晶晶的，原来都是冰，这时我终于领会了“西山晴雪”的意思。一路下山我在想：雪后香山的美在于它的静和它的纯，我真喜欢冬天的香山啊！评语：真实的感受来自真正的实践，置身于雪后的香山中，借景生情，内容生动。整篇文章语句通顺，前后相连，紧扣文题，是一篇很好的写景文章。泡     温    泉      今天一放学，妈妈就把我带到了“郁金香温泉花园度假村”。      郁金香花园温泉度假村位于朝阳区机场路。这里的天气比较凉，结的冰很厚，因为天寒地冻，郁金香都没有了，园中的百鸟园也被大雪被压塌了，湖水冻上厚厚的冰，游船都被拉上岸了。我问妈妈：“这里什么都没有，根本没有什么可玩的啊？”妈妈说：“走，带你回房间泡温泉。”      回到房间打开房门，啊，一股臭鸡蛋味，我问妈妈：“这是什么味啊？”妈妈说到：“这是硫磺的味，这个温泉采自地下3000米，里边含有十几种矿物质，对人的身体有好处。”       我穿着羽绒服看着妈妈放水，心想：今天天气这么冷，能在露天的地方洗澡吗？        “可以下水了。”        我先把脚伸到池中，啊，好热的水呀。我按妈妈的说法就露了一个小脑袋。        我躺在水里仰望星空，一颗，二颗，三颗。黑黑的夜空中挂着三颗闪亮的星星。我坐在热热的水里欣赏着冬天的夜空，真是太美了！        啊，泡温泉真好玩，我真喜欢泡温泉啊！优点：文章两次产生疑问，真实通过对比将你的真实思想表达得非常清楚，但随时间的推移，实践证明，这里有吸引人的东西，这样的写法可集群重炮轰杀修仙者吸引人继续有读的愿望。            整篇文章语句通顺，简明清晰，无错别字。建议：文章末尾可将你觉得好玩的地方写一写（这里真正吸引人的是什么？）
    
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