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发表于 2024-6-15 05:02:18 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
登香山
登香山秋天的香山是一年中最美的,满山的枫叶有红的、黄的和绿色的,红色的枫叶有深红的、淡红的、彤红的和透红的,香山红叶现在成了香山的淘宝优惠卷代名词,也是中处游客向往的地方。这里有燕京八景之一的“西山晴雪”,还有古代的“勤政殿”,“眼镜湖”等等名胜古迹,这里面我最喜欢喜欢西山全面围攻晴雪。今天我们选了十八盘这条路,这条路直通平台再从平台走南路就到山顶了,登香山有很多条路,可我只知道三条有南路、东路和中路,东路和中路的台阶很高2021录取通知查询山东,非常难走,南路比较平缓,也是观红叶的最佳路线。下山时天已经快黑透了,这时香山就像一个神秘的大森林。今天我玩的真开心啊!评语:整个文章给人带正字的名字男孩一种赏心悦目的感觉,让读者对香山的红叶景色,夜幕下的香山有了一个新的认识,观察仔细,字里行间显露真情,语句通顺。“登香山”为题,可以再“登”字上下功夫,文章就更好了!2003年11月7日星期五大雪雪昨天晚上,我们冒着雨夹雪回到了宿舍,早上起来,往窗外一看,哇,好大的雪啊!从我们宿舍的窗户往外看去,能看到老师宿舍的屋顶,屋顶上全是雪美丽极了,外面也变成了一个银色的世界,树上、草坪里、地上到处都是银妆素裹,整个校园像童话般的世界。有的树被压弯了腰,有的树枝被压折了,还有的树被压倒了……门口停着的车像毛绒玩具。体育课上老师让我们打雪仗、滚雪球,一到大操场我就瞄准了目标——郭老师,大家不约而同的把雪球扔向郭老师,我们追着打,郭老师就跑,跑着跑着我大叫一声:“啊!”我脚下一滑掉进了一个洞里,雪足有半个小腿那么深,我索性挖起了地道……四十分钟真快呀,我还没玩够呢,不过今天还是很高兴。今年的第一场雪真是又早又大。评语:观察认真,描写细致,在你笔下地展现了雪景的美丽,耐人寻味,感受到了雪大。文章结尾点明雪早似乎在文中没有体现,可否再修改一下。11月15日星期六大风雪后香山雪后的香山虽然没有了红叶,但是很美,因为从远远望去,山上白茫茫的,好像童话世界中的景色。沿着山路往上走,满地的落叶,还有被雪压断的树枝……这时的香山人非常少,到处都静悄悄的,凛冽的寒风吹得树枝左摇右摆,一阵狂风过后叶子被纷纷吹落下来,太阳照不到的地方还留着积雪。顶着寒风我们终于登上了山顶,山顶的风更大了。四周山上的羊肠小路上是亮晶晶的,原来都是冰,这时我终于领会了“西山晴雪”的意思。一路下山我在想:雪后香山的美在于它的静和它的纯,我真喜欢冬天的香山啊!评语:真实的感受来自真正的实践,置身于雪后的香山中,借景生情,内容生动。整篇文章语句通顺,前后相连,紧扣文题,是一篇很好的写景文章。泡     温    泉      今天一放学,妈妈就把我带到了“郁金香温泉花园度假村”。      郁金香花园温泉度假村位于朝阳区机场路。这里的天气比较凉,结的冰很厚,因为天寒地冻,郁金香都没有了,园中的百鸟园也被大雪被压塌了,湖水冻上厚厚的冰,游船都被拉上岸了。我问妈妈:“这里什么都没有,根本没有什么可玩的啊?”妈妈说:“走,带你回房间泡温泉。”      回到房间打开房门,啊,一股臭鸡蛋味,我问妈妈:“这是什么味啊?”妈妈说到:“这是硫磺的味,这个温泉采自地下3000米,里边含有十几种矿物质,对人的身体有好处。”       我穿着羽绒服看着妈妈放水,心想:今天天气这么冷,能在露天的地方洗澡吗?        “可以下水了。”        我先把脚伸到池中,啊,好热的水呀。我按妈妈的说法就露了一个小脑袋。        我躺在水里仰望星空,一颗,二颗,三颗。黑黑的夜空中挂着三颗闪亮的星星。我坐在热热的水里欣赏着冬天的夜空,真是太美了!        啊,泡温泉真好玩,我真喜欢泡温泉啊!优点:文章两次产生疑问,真实通过对比将你的真实思想表达得非常清楚,但随时间的推移,实践证明,这里有吸引人的东西,这样的写法可集群重炮轰杀修仙者吸引人继续有读的愿望。            整篇文章语句通顺,简明清晰,无错别字。建议:文章末尾可将你觉得好玩的地方写一写(这里真正吸引人的是什么?)
    
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发表于 2024-6-15 13:19:45 | 只看该作者

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